We've had our dog for about 2 months now. When we got her, I was determined that my house would NOT smell like dog. I don't want anyone who comes into my home to know that I have a dog unless they see her.
Between the dog and young kids, my carpets can quickly absorb all sorts of smells...and even if I vacuum every day, some things still linger...UNLESS I use a really simple homemade (and green) carpet deodorizer. This is a good in-between if you're not feeling like you're at the point where you need to shampoo your carpets, but if you need an extra boost of freshness.
Things you'll need:
Baking Soda
Essential Oils (OPTIONAL, but it adds a really nice fragrance. I like to use Peppermint, Eucalyptus, and Lavender - 3 drops of each. It's a fresh, relaxing and invigorating scent.)
A sprinkle bottle/shaker can (you can use an old parmesan cheese container, a mason jar with holes poked in the lid, or they even sell 12 oz baking soda bottles with a sprinkle top.)
Directions:
Measure out 3 cups of baking soda and place in a plastic bowl.
Add 9-10 drops of your favorite essential oils.
Mix well, and eliminate any clumps in the baking soda.
Place in your shaker of choice.
Take your homemade carpet deodorize and sprinkle very lightly across carpets or rugs (or even cloth upholstered furniture). This amount should cover about 500 square feet of carpet. Let it sit for at least 15 minutes, then vacuum up. With this deodorizer, though, I think the longer it sits the better. It's my recommendation to just sprinkle things all over the carpet right before you go to bed, and when you wake up the next morning, you can vacuum and have extra fresh carpets. The overnight method gives the baking soda LOTS of time to absorb strong odors.
Enjoy fresh carpets for the next 3 hours until your youngest gets her hands on a brand new bottle of parmesan cheese and dumps it all out behind the living room chair. But hey! Now you have an empty bottle to use for your homemade carpet deodorizer. That living room area will probably need some attention.
I think that any good parent wonders, at times, what more they could do to be a BETTER parent. I sometimes wonder if I'm doing it right at all. It's a very tricky job we have. We're given these little humans that have their own individual personalities, quirks, gifts, and weaknesses, and we're supposed to raise them to be not only functional adults, but over-all decent people. Good parents will frequently assess themselves and consider what they can work on. Sometimes they dive into parenting books, rely on the practical advice of experienced friends, or just try their best to go with their gut and forget the rest of the world's opinions. If you google "What Type of Parent Are You?" You'll come up with an endless list of links to different quizzes or articles helping you identify your parenting style. Most of the questions are totally bogus, or don't accurately represent what you would actually do in a certain scenario. You are therefore left alone to figure out your own "label". Something I've learned over time is that not all parenting styles are created equal. Even if parents have some over-arching umbrella philosophy of what good parenting is, each child requires his or her own individual plan or approach within that philosophy. There is a LOT of trial and error (and sometimes it feels more like overwhelming error), because whatever worked to help child #1 to cooperate will sometimes NOT work for child #2. One of the biggest hurdles in parenting (or with any personal relationship) is learning how to communicate effectively. It's important to recognize the way that YOU like to communicate is not always the way the the other person likes to communicate. So, for you, you have to identify the other person's communication language in order to reach out to them effectively.
The 5 Love Languages - Learning to Speak Each Language In Your Family
I read a book years ago that has shaped the way I approach communication with loved ones: "The Five Love Languages" written by Gary Chapman. I read this book during a time of "young adult crisis" when Brett and I were dating. When we would have discussions or talk about important things, we often didn't seem to see eye to eye, OR, it just seemed like there was a wall between us, blocking our ability to communicate. It frustrated both of us. Then somebody recommended this book to me, and it changes the way I approached Brett, and really improved the way we communicated in all aspects of life.
The concept of the book, if you haven't read it, is that every person has their own unique style of communication, and their own unique ways they enjoy being shown affection or love. If a person isn't spoken to in his love language(s), he may ultimately feel undervalued, unsupported, and unloved. That is why it really is so important to know the love language of your family members or people you closely associate with. It will help you to better show your love and appreciation for them. LUCKILY, anyone can visit The 5 Love Languages website and take a pretty dynamic assessment that will accurate indicate what your love language is. I recently took the assessment online again for myself and with other family members to see what everyone's love languages are. I've known the love languages of Brett and myself, but it gave me a totally new perspective when I considered the love languages of my children. Now that I've identified what language is most impactful with Aedan and Eli, I'm able to reach out to them a little better, and make them feel more loved and respected by me. Having each member of the family take this assessment is a GREAT activity. Everyone learns a little more about each family member that they just didn't know before. It also helps establish better harmony in the home as people are able to be more considerate of the emotional needs of everyone else.
What I took away from our family's assessments:
My boys are different! Even though they're onyl 18 months apart and are at similar developmental stages in life, Aedan and Eli speak different love languages...and I needed to remember that. Aedan feels mostly loved when he gets to spend Quality Time with someone. Whether that is building something with daddy, or going on a frozen yogurt date with just himself and mommy, that individual one-on-one time is what makes Aedan feel REALLY special. Eli on the other hands (though he loves quality time) really loves to feel empowered and encouraged by the words you say to him. With Words of Affirmation as his love language, he will beam with pride when given a compliment or some positive verbal feedback. He, unlike Aedan, is also a little more fragile when negative things are said to him. I have been working to be careful to phrase any criticism I have with Eli to be constructive and encouraging, so he can know that "Yes, this was a mistake, but it's okay because we can learn and do an even more job awesome next time." A lot of Eli's self esteem is linked to the words people speak to him, while a lot of Aedan's self-esteem is linked to the activities that people want to do with him. Until I was able to identify each of my sons' love languages, these emotional needs were not something I was completely aware of. Going forward, I'm able to try harder to speak their individual love languages, and I've seen a positive impact on their behavior and our relationship just over the last two weeks I've trying doing this.
Here are results for those in our family who were old enough to accurately take the assessment:
BRETT:
ME:
AEDAN (7 years old):
ELI (5 years old):
The 5 love languages In Detail (Taken from the 5 Love Languages website)
Physical Touch
This language isn't all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
Receiving Gifts
Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.
Words of Affirmation
Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
One of the concepts in this book is to consider what brings you joy...
REALLY consider and contemplate this.
Take a moment now and think about it: WHAT BRINGS YOU JOY?
After you've identified that thing (or things) the goal is to surround yourself with the things that bring you TRUE joy.
As I was trying to figure this out, I was initially discouraged. I thought for a long time, and felt like I had gotten stuck in the mom trap. The things that USED to bring me joy in college and before 4 kids are things that don't necessarily bring me joy now. OR, maybe they do...but I don't do them anymore. The time I dedicate to my family, to raising my children, to working, to keeping a home has taken me away from many of the things I used to do for fun. I know that's somewhat part of life. Being a parent takes immense sacrifice, and often times, personal desires or practices have to be put on the back-burner. But the fact that I really don't do the things that, as a young college student, seemed so central to my identity, made me sad.
As I thought about it more, I compared the person I used to be to the person that exists now. Who is happier? Who enjoys life more? It seemed like the old me was happier, more adventurous, spontaneous, fun. She painted and drew and surrounded herself with art. She made plans for world-travel and road trips. She smiled a lot and really LIVED life, took every day as an adventure. What a person. The me now is more serious...sometime way too serious. She's worried about keeping a grocery budget, meal-planning, making sure her kids are healthy and nurtured physically/emotionally/spiritually. She updates the household budget and bills calendar every month. She takes kids to the Emergency room for stitches or strange illnesses (way too ofter in 2015) and works from home full-time. She worries about family/friends/neighbors/herself. She's replaced a bold sense of adventure with worry. She sometimes feels like her life belongs to all the other people around her rather than herself.
It seems to me that the difference between the two people is not necessarily the money or the opportunities, but rather the state of mind. When I closer analyze the college me, I find that it's not necessarily the painting, pottery making, or drawing that was part of my identity and brought me joy. It's rather the concept of CREATIVITY. Being creative and making art brings me joy. Art is a broad term and applies to many things. I can identify things in my life today that are artful and creative. Interior design, floral arrangements, color theory and interior paint, building/crafting things from wood...I actually do lots of artsy things.
Something I've envied and admired and been annoyed about with my husband is that he really hasn't seemed to change that much over the almost 8 years we've been married. I've noticed that if he wants to do something, he does it. He has hobbies and passions and enjoys them. He's generally content with life. Now, it's not ALWAYS sensible to have this attitude, because I do believe that you need to practice restraint when it comes to things. If you don't have money, you can't buy that new thing that you've been daydreaming of. But in Brett's case, he gets creative and generally makes things work. We've been blessed to have a lot of fun things. He has a wood shop with lots of wood and fun tools. He has a welder. He has car stuff from his years as a diesel mechanic. He has guns, hunting supplies and ammunition and targets. There are lots of things for him to go out do when he's feeling in the mood for adventure. My point with him, is that he makes things happen. He doesn't come up with excuses or worry about doing other less important things first. He knows how to make personal time for himself a priority. That has often annoyed me. At times I look at him, and he's so content, and then I look in the mirror and see someone who feels overworked, undervalued, and overwhelmed with "adult responsibility". I have gotten jealous of him and his ability to overlook the messy kitchen or the chaotic garage and rather decide to just have fun. He's just really good at brushing things off. I'm really good at holding on to things and feeling like I'm a mother martyr.
But after taking a time to consider the contrast of Brett's attitude on life vs. my current attitude, I came to an altering realization. Although there are things that DO need to get done, I can have the same attitude as him. I can have fun too. I just often don't let myself because I get to serious and caught up about my to-do list. I've noticed that once I set my mind to something or have something on my itinerary, it is really hard for me to transition and go with the flow if plans need to change. If I put it on paper, it's the law. And that means that I can't have my fun until all those things on my daily checklist are addressed.
I feel like I've been a bit of a pendulum. I used to be very easy going, spontaneous, just do whatever at the beginning of marriage (because that's how I was in college). Over the years with adding kids, job responsibilities, financial needs, etc, I have become much more type A personality. I can't just "go with the flow" on some things. That's been something I have intended to work on. But with my new outlook on this year, and the things I want to practice with finding joy, I feel myself swinging back in the other direction. LIFE IS JUST TOO SHORT TO NOT LIVE EVERY DAY CONTENTLY AND JOYFULLY. A constricted mindset will lead to a constricted life. I feel like I've been on both extremes of the pendulum, so hopefully with some trial and error I'll find a good middle ground that is conducive to everything I both need to be and want to be.
Today was very fast-paced. It was full of lots of work projects, lots of running around getting kids to and from school, some errands, an audio & visual health screening with Lillie, and many things in between. After work, and after picking up Aedan from school, I hurried to make dinner so Brett could have something to eat before he went to mutual tonight. He was home for only about 40 minutes before he had to leave, and then it was me and just the kids again.
Lillie was looking sleepy, but it wasn't quite late enough to put her down for bed, so we had bath time (which she loved). After a bath, we went to my room, and I suddenly lost steam. I was tired from the day and just wanted to put my feet up. I laid her down on my bed, got her changed, then put on a movie for us to watch in bed on the laptop ("Minions" [2015]). Later on, Izzy came to join us. The boys were having fun playing with toys in the bathroom sink and weren't making TOO much of a mess, so it ended up just being a girls movie. Lillie snuggled with me while I relaxed and perused my babycenter app on my phone.
The aftermath of the boys' bathroom play time.
They were building a floating island (when the sink was full) so their superhero toys could have a "secret base".
The time on the bed with my two little girls watching a fun movie, and then thinking about the new little girl we'll be having soon...THAT was the sweetest moment of today. I was able to forget about the dishes I had been determined to do, or other house chores that I had felt needed attention. Once we were all in bed, nothing else mattered except enjoying the moments with my beautiful girls, and enjoying the giggles from my boys as I could hear them play in the next room. It was a perfectly simple evening with no expectations or worrying about my personal to-do list. During our movie time, I realized that this was exactly what I needed to be doing, and it superseded any to-do-task I had previously felt to be important. It was a good mom moment, and just what everyone needed.
Brett came home to a still messy kitchen, but everyone was so happy. We spent some time together as a family, everyone crowded in our bedroom (we're very luck to have a king-sized bed), and it was pretty peaceful when we actually had to put all the kids too bed. There wasn't as much defiance and hassle as there normally is during our bedtime routine. Maybe it was my attitude and relaxed state of mind. I wasn't impatient with the kids, I wasn't losing my temper or raising my voice or hurrying them to get into bed. We had enjoyed a fun yet peaceful evening together, and I think the kids continued that attitude into bedtime.
Then, it was time for ME to go to bed. Here's a "bumpie" at 24 weeks. Very glamorous, I know. It was taken in the low-light of my bathroom after all the kids were asleep. You gotta love the zebra PJ pants. (I'm just noticing how tired I look. Like I said, it HAD been a long day.)
I remember when I had the conversation with my husband two weeks ago and told him I wanted to go green. I think he is amiably indifferent, so that's easy for me. But I feel like I had to say it out loud and say it to him so he could be aware of any strange behaviors he encounters over the next couple weeks. She's using baking soda or vinegar to clean everything? Including her hair? She's crazy... (FYI, the no-'poo method is really effective. I've been trying it for 3 weeks now, and my hair feels super healthy and clean. It is a little bizarre if it's something you're not used to, but the way it makes my hair and scalp feel makes it worth it.) I know my husband loves me and my quirks, though. He even verbally acknowledged the work I've been doing to keep our family safer, healthier, and happier. As a man of few words when it comes to "words of affirmation" (See "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman), I will take that as compliment to my efforts. Before I made the commitment to change, I first wondered: Isn't this kind of weird? Will it really be that weird for me? But, you know, the more I thought about, I don't think it will be. It fits into my recent quest to simplify and declutter (Inspired by Marie Kondo). I also feel like we've moved towards a lot of sustainable practices in our family. We have a garden and use our home-grown fruits and vegetables for our food. We raise our own chickens for eggs and meat (they cage-free, and very happy ladies, until we kill them.). We generally buy used (from clothes to furniture to vehicles, etc.) and recycle a LOT with our DIY projects. We carpool or use a pretty fuel-efficient vehicle for Brett getting to work. We love to be frugal and save money by doing or making things ourselves. I was also raised to be very environmentally conscious.
In the third grade, I won a city-wide art contest that all of the Mesa, AZ elementary schools grades 1-6 participated in (it's a pretty big school district). The topic was "Recycle Today For A Better Tomorrow". As prizes, I got to shake hands with the mayor at some city council. I also had my original artwork hung in the Mesa Public Library for years (it was gone the last time I went there. They did some remodeling...so I wonder where it went, or if it moved to a different part of the library, or if it's in storage or just gone. The city recycling company also came and gave a presentation to my third grade class where they taught about the benefits and importance of recycling, and gave us lots of fun little freebies. Recycling and taking care of the earth have always been a big concern of mine, even when I was young. So...going green with cleaning products and home products is totally not a stretch for me. I feel like it will give me satisfaction on many levels. I'm excited to experiment and to get started. I'm sure I'll learn a lot through trial and error, and will eventually have lots of anecdotes and advice for anyone who wants to got the DIY Green Cleaning route as well. Here are the list of homemade household cleaners I would like to make and have on hand (some of which I already do. Follow the links to see what I've tried.) I'm still investigating beauty products (soaps, shampoos/conditioners, lotions, moisturizers, lip balms, salves), so a post on that are soon to come.
Laundry Detergent Powder (omit the Purex crystals and use a plant-based bar soap to make this truly green. An alternative recipe that looks similar to the one I've used, but have not tried, can be found here.)
I had the wonderful pleasure of seeing my mom this week. She came to visit us in Utah, and it made me so happy to see her.
This was the first time I've spent time with her in person since her cancer diagnosis. I think it did me, her, and the kids lots of good to see each other. It filled a sad little void in my heart that I've had for a while, and I think it was very healing and motivating for her.
We had visited AZ just last November for Thanksgiving. My parents had decided to sell their home (the house I lived through Jr High, High School, and College in) and I knew it would be the last time I'd get to spend there. It was a nostalgic visit, and I was able to spend time with old family and friends. By the time we headed back home, I felt very content and was excited for my parents and the new adventures that were ahead.
My mom spent a lot of December in and out of the hospital. She was experiencing severe abdominal pains, and no one could figure out why. Eventually, after several different non-invasive methods, they went in for surgery to investigate a blockage. That's when they discovered lots of tumors.
I remember when I got the call from my dad. I knew my mom had been in the hospital and that she had gone in for surgery. We were thinking about her and glad she had good doctors to perform the surgery. I was confident that she'd be well.
"Hi. I'm calling about your mom. Is Brett there too? I have something I want to tell you about your mother and I think you should sit down," he said. Now, my dad can be a jokester sometimes. He likes to have an ambiguous sense of humor that leaves people wondering whether he's serious or not. But I DID NOT find his joke funny this time.
I scoffed. "DAD. Seriously. That's not even funny. How's mom really doing?"
"I'm being very serious" he said. Then he went on to explain more of the situation.
I've never to this point in my life received such information that was so life-shattering to me. It just scared me and broke my heart. I didn't know how to process it. When my dad called, I had been preparing a belated Christmas dinner for some of our Utah family. I remember being in the kitchen listening to my dad as he calming tried to explain things. I just kneeled down on the floor and started to sob. I felt so very helpless...and so very far away from the person I wanted to be closest too. When I got off the phone, I told Brett, and my brother and sister in law who were there. I explained to the kids that Grandma was very sick, and we needed to always pray for her from now on so she could get better. Then I went into my office, shut the door, sat alone for a while, and cried.
We learned a lot over the next several weeks: what stage, what type, what to expect.
The baffling thins is that my mom is one of the healthiest people I know... She's probably in better shape than I am. Well...I think I eat better :) , but she is definitely more physically active than me. She's done amazing things in her life! She's hiked the Grand Canyon TWICE, gone on bike rides that are miles longer than my first grader can count, and she would often enjoy evening powerwalks with my father.
The month following this news was long and slow and full of lots of emotions. I was so jealous of everyone that was able to visit or see her. All her siblings were able to spend time with her. All her children (except me) were able to be with her. Many dear friends were there to serve and help and support her in many different ways. And I was in a different state, over 700 miles away. I felt like there wasn't anything helpful that I was doing, that I was just useless to her at this point. I was just being sad. My parents had requested I didn't come visit. My mom was worried about us traveling in bad winter weather, and she told me that all she really did all day was sleep, and that, at this point, she couldn't hold any of the kids. It was counterproductive to be there. I tried to respect their wishes, and we never went to visit.
Her recovering has been slower than she would like it to be. But again, It was major surgery. She wanted to be up and recovered in less time than it takes women to recover from C-sections. And her surgery was a lot more extensive than a C-section. But she finally hit a point where she felt good enough to get back to a modified version of things she loved (holding grandkids, going on short bike rides and easy hikes), and she seemed so much happier not being restricted to the house all day. She met with the doctors again, and they scheduled chemo (for this upcoming Friday). That's when she decided to visit Utah.
She was here for 2 1/2 days, and the time with her had to be toned down and a lot more quiet than we were used to. She's the type of person that is go go go. She will come in town to visit and magically whip my house into shape in what seems like an hour. The floors will be clean, laundry folded, dishes done, and dinner cooking. I've been spoiled, and have always looked to her visits as a sanity-saver for me. With 4 kids and a work schedule, it's hard to find the balance I need to keep the house orderly (hence my recent conquest to declutter and simplify). This visit was a little different, though, but it was still just as wonderful. She spent her time sitting on the couch with the kids and snuggling them. She read them stories, or played tablet games with them, or watched their favorite movies. This was the first time that she really didn't lift a finger to try and clean my house, and I thought it was great. All her attention was directed towards the kids, or towards having good conversations with me.
My mom will continue to recover from her surgery, and hopefully that will be the worst of it. Maybe we'll get lucky and chemo will treat her body well, with minimal negative side effects. It will still be a long road, and there are a lot of unknowns. This is such a new element for our family. Either way, my mom is the definition of grit, and she can do just about anything she sets her mind to. There's no one else like her. I'm so glad to call her mom.
I had a really good birthday this year. I just felt like I made some good time for me, and that people I love made good time for me as well. It wasn't stressful or full of unrealistic expectations. It was easy-going, and I just did things that I wanted to do, and that made me happy.
So what are some of those things that make me happy?
1)The thing that brings me more joy above anything else is just being with my family.
I love my husband and my children so much. And it seems like the more children we add to our family, the more joy I find. If I had a million children, I would love them all and just be such a happy mother. I've learned to embrace the crazy and to not expect perfection. This has helped me be a little more relaxed in my parenting, and has provided opportunities for me to see value in ALL types of situations.
Life is crazy with littles running around, but I find so many moments throughout the day that make everything seem so worth it. Sure, they punch, hit, and tease each other on a daily basis. I think I have everyone come to me at least once a day crying as well. That's not always fun to deal with. But the joy in those situations is that I'm the mom and the comforter and the teacher, and they choose to seek me out. I've been told that won'r always be the case, so to "treasure" these moments that I am so needed by them. I find that those moments of tears (whether angry, sad, or frustrated) are opportunities I've been given to help them feel more loved and confident, or to help them understand a situation and learn a good lesson.
I feel like since I've taken on this decluttering approach, my parenting attitude has become healthier, but it has also helped my children behave better too.
Good consequences of decluttering:
We've taken the little TV out of our kitchen. We have one TV now, and it's downstairs, and I will put on some PBS kids shows for quiet time so they can be down there relaxing and watching a show while I'm upstairs getting work or house stuff done. I didn't think that I would notice a difference in their behavior by limiting TV; I actually thought they'd act worse. With all that free time, wouldn't they just be making more messes and fighting more? Quite the opposite. They take more time to play together and explore/imagine/get creative/collaborate.
Building a castle with paper towel rolls on Amazon delivery day. They have so much fun playing and using their imagination with the paper towel stacks they have.
Taking time to color and work on alphabet pages rather than watching TV.
We've removed and minimized a LOT of our toys. We had WAY more toys that we ever needed or that we could ever keep track of. I've set a three-strike rule that the kids have been quick to pick up on. If I find toys or belongings on the ground, I will pick them up only two times. The third time they either go in the donation box, or are thrown away. I'm trying to teach them that if they don't care enough to take care of their things or put them back in their proper place, they don't need them anyways. (Now...there are some toys that are really special to them. Those I'm a little bit more lenient about. But I also find that those are the ones that they actually do take care of. But things like the happy meal toy that I'm always stepping on?
They don't really take care of that, and therefore don't need it around. It just ends up being clutter in our home, so it's best to get rid of it. ) We also keep four sets of toys upstairs–that's it. We have a wooden block set, a wooden train track set, a bag of legos/duplos, and a small collection of hot wheels. I love these toys because they promote imagination play and creativity, and they're something that all the kids can play with at any stage. We also keep a small basket of baby toys for Lillie, but she likes playing with the blocks and cars just as much as the other kids. The toys we have out are easy for everyone (including Lillie) to pick up, and we can have the living room looking nice in a matter of 15 minutes if everyone helps clean and put things away.
With less toys and TV, the kids spend a lot more time exploring outside, reading books, or doing art projects. It's hard in the winter here, because it's COLD, and I think the snow is gross. But we've adapted somewhat and it's finally consistently in the 40's, so having on some boots and a jacket make it decent. The kids will go outside in our backyard and explore, or talk to our chickens, or play with our new dog (notes on dog to come). I feel like most of my happy memories as a kid took place outdoors. It's something our current culture doesn't get enough of, so it makes my heart joyful when I see my children enjoys nature.
There are also less things lying around for them to get in to. I cleaned up my yarn stash, and put it all in my downstairs craft closet, with the door LOCKED. When I was deculttering my bedroom, office, and upstairs linen closest, I quickly felt like I had some serious mental issues as I realized I was a yarn hoarder. I filled up two large garbage bags FULL of yarn (garbage bags to store, NOT to throw away. Yarn brings me joy, too, so I'm not getting rid of that). Yarn was in my bedroom closet. Yarn was in both drawers of my nightstand. Yarn was underneath towels and sheets or high on the shelf in my office. It was in the kitchen junk drawer. Why was there so much yarn in all these places? Marie Kondo, in her book "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing", said that we should keep all like items in the same place. It helps to avoid confusion, and keeps you from buying MORE than what you need because you can easily see what you have on hand. I've tried this approach of consolidating like-items around the house, and it's really helpful. So now, there is a designated area for my craft and art stuff. AND, I've learned to keep it very locked in order to avoid little hands accessing things they shouldn't. This has magically helped me avoid things like:
2) Another thing that brings me joy is taking care of plants and animals.
There is something just so fulfilling about cultivating a garden or raising animals that give things back to you (like chickens). Maybe I'm a little too hippy, but I just feel so connected with the energy of the universe when i'm t taking care of my plants or animals. It's very zen.
For my birthday, Brett and I made design plans to build a hanging herb garden in the kitchen out of metal cable and pallet wood we had (post to come). We haven't actually built anything yet, but I did get some herbs together. Dollar Tree has all it's garden stuff out right now, and I found some cute little terra cotta pots 2/$1. I already had some mint, green onion, and basil growing on my windowsill, but I bought cilantro and parsley from the grocery store (you know, the "living herbs" found in the produce section), and planted everything in the new pots. Some day soon we'll get to building the actual garden stand. Brett's been pretty busy with work...so it's been delayed. But just having the pots on my windowsill and being able to water them make me happy. (I really look forward to springtime in another two months, and being able to plant flowers and start my vegetable garden.
We must seem totally crazy, but we got a new dog. AND WE LOVE HER.
We had another dog when we moved up here, and I liked him. He was a beautiful red tri Australian Shepherd, but he was also stubborn, not well trained, and aggressive some people. He bit a neighborhood teenager, and I quickly found him a new home with a family that had the time and patience to train him and take him on the adventures he deserved. We probably could have made it work...but at the time It was just too much effort. I was pregnant and working a LOT, and still settling into the house and getting used to a new school routine for a kindergartner and preschooler. It was just too much, and I decided it was better for everyone if he went to a better home. The family we found was kind of a mirror image of our own, and our dog quickly warmed up to them all. I feel like it was meant to be, and that it was a good decision. But a year and a half later, we get another dog.
Brett came home from work one day last week and said "I got us a dog today. She's a hunting dog I found on KSL for free". I looked at him like he was crazy. He hates dogs. "It's only for a little while, though. I want to get her and then have my dad work with her then sell her so I can have money for a new gun." We had a discussion on being responsible with animals and if bringing a dog into our house is something that was wise to do. I love ANY animal, especially anything fluffy and cute and fun to pet. But I remembered the last dog(s) that we took on, and it was unwise and ultimately selfish of us and not good for the animals. I didn't want to do that this time, so I told Brett no thanks. But then he showed me a picture of the dog that the owner texted to him. Uh-oh. That was a mistake. NEVER SHOW ME PICTURES OF ANIMALS. Self-control becomes a lot harder after that. I saw her picture...and she just looked so adorable and loving.
So I took a good 24 hours and thought about it. A LOT. I researched the breed, the pros/cons, the temperament and lifespan of German Shorthair Pointers. I watched Youtube documentaries on the breed, and on dog training. I even prayed about it. Something about her spoke to me. But I didn't want this to be a impulsive decisions. I didn't want to get her just because I felt bad for her, or felt like she was a helpless creature that needed a home. I sure she could find a home. There are lots of people that would take her in a flash - especially since she was free. But the question was, did she need to be in our home and part of our family? I really pondered the situation. I hardly slept the night before we got her, because I was researching and reading up. The next day, I decided that I'd just take the kids to meet her, no commitments. If it didn't feel right, we'd say good luck and goodbye.
The owner was an hour's drive away. Brett was working late, and it was (more) convenient to go during the day time while Lillie could nap and when we could avoid rush hour. I loaded all four kids in the car, and off we went to Ogden. We got to the place, and the girls were both asleep, so I let the sleep while I took the boys inside. (I could always see the car from the window. They were safe, don't worry.) As soon as we walked in the door, and she looked at me I knew we had to take her home. She was meant for us. So we spent a couple minutes talking about her past, and petting her, and giving her treats, then we loaded everyone back in the car and headed home.
She has added a fun energy to our home, and she really is like a member of our family. She's 2 years old and out of the obnoxious puppy stage. She's housebroken and is just a lot easier to deal with than a new puppy. She also adds some extra safety to the house because she's a good watchdog. When someone comes in the front door, or walks past the backyard gate, she'll give a quick bark to let us know. She doesn't bark excessively, though.
We like Bailey. She immediately fell in love with our family and claimed us as her own. She doesn't have very many manners (either good or bad). She's kind of a clean slate that hasn't really had any training, but she's very intelligent and very quick to learn and loves to please us, so I think she'll be great.
Brett also loves her. And she loves him.
I plan on working with her and doing obedience training. SHE WILL BE A WELL-TRAINED dog. I will not have an ill-mannered dog again.
Other animals: Like I said before, we have backyard chickens. I LOVE them. I love seeing them walk around and do their chicken things. I love taking care of them. I love that the kids learn responsibility through feeding and watering them. I love that the kids also get to learn about nature and life and how things work. I love how surprisingly low-maintenance they are. I love having fresh chicken eggs.
Brett wanted to be adventurous again. He researched some chicken breeds and decided that he wanted chickens that would be good for both meat AND eggs. Enter the Brahma chicken. It's "One of the largest breeds, good layers of winter eggs, good in cold climates; Large roasting fowl, capon, or early broiler." So we found a place to order some and we ordered 15 female Light Brahma chickens that we will get as chicks in about 10-12 days from now. They send them to us the day after they hatch. I thought it was weird to have mail-order live chickens. But I guess they just drop it off at the local post office, and we pick them up there. So, I've been spending time getting a chick area ready with proper bedding, heat lamp, feeding equipment, etc. This is another fun learning opportunity for our kids (and for me and Brett too). We're excited. This is what these guys look like. I'll take actual pictures of our own chicks and set up when they come in.
I've decided to start a new blog. I have a couple other blogs. One is a journal and one is a personal family one. They're both pretty old and the most recent posts have been sparse.
I wanted to begin a new blog, because I want a fresh start. It's a new year (January 2016), and it's a big year. I've had some life-changing experiences in just the past 2 months that have brought a new perspective to how I've decided to not only view life, but live it. So...this is a new chapter I've started and this post is the launching pad.
In the mornings after my husband goes to work and before I wake up to start my day, I like to contemplate the things I would like to get done, and the things I need to get done. I will often ponder about personal goals and take some time to meditate. Sometimes this includes praying, and asking for guidance on my day. I'll frequently have thoughts come to mind on things I can do, or certain people I can focus on. Today, the thought came to me to post in my blog (essentially, journaling).
I think journaling is a great thing to do. It's wonderful to document parts of your life, to record memories, to share thoughts. Often times, it's very therapeutic. Many psychiatrists and counselors advise their patients to keep a journal. It's HEALTHY. So...it's good, and it's a new commitment of mine to blog often and document my adventures in "FINDING JOY".
But why the focus on "Finding Joy"?
Everyone wants to be happy. I feel like "joy" is a much more fulfilling word, though. It's a deeper sense of happy. It's more long-lasting. And it's something I need more of in my life. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I've come to discover that when you wake up every day seeking joy, it will find you, and your life will be so much happier and whole.
So, when did this journey start for me? It's evolved just over the last month..even the last two weeks.
Christmas day was exactly one month ago today. It was a hard Christmas time for our family. My mother had been sick, and she was admitted to the hospital. She had excruciating abdominal pains, and was being treated for that. The doctors found a blockage in her intestines which eventually required surgery. When they surgeons went in to remove it, they found several tumors in different places within her abdomen. She was later diagnosed with stage 4 appendix cancer. ... What a earth-shaking discovery this was for our family. The first weeks were VERY hard on everyone and very emotional. But I feel like, for me, anyways, I've absorbed and processed this well enough, and it's now just part of my new normal. I have ultimate faith in my mom, in her doctors, in the Lord, and this is something she will beat. It will be a year full of challenges on many levels, but that's life.
Anyways, this news was the shock of a lifetime. I was lucky enough that my work office was closed the entire week from December 24-January 1 for the holidays. I would have taken that time off had I not already been on "vacation". I spent most of that week in bed, crying, wandering aimlessly around the house, praying, worrying, and wondering what the purpose of everything was. I would not have been productive at all with work assignments...so it was a blessing, but it was DEFINITELY NOT a "vacation".
Amidst my "adjustment time", I realized that I didn't want to feel like this forever. Aspects of my life had turned into overwhelming chaos and pressure, but I realized other aspects of my life were still totally in my control. So...I was on a mission to create an atmosphere of peace and calm where there was none at the time. I thought about it for several days and wondered where I could start. What would help me be most calm? What could I do to cut out some chaos? What could I control? I looked around the house I had neglected for a week, and the children running wild, getting into too many things. I quickly found the thing that I could control: the tidiness of my home.
Clean homes create an atmosphere of peace, calm, order, and clarity. These are all things I was in desperate need of. So...I took on the challenge of cleaning and decluttering. There was a book that came to mind. It's a super popular read right now, and I felt like it was calling to me:
It has over 7,400 reviews on Amazon, and everyone raves about it. I looked it up at my local library and put a hold on the hard copy and audiobook. I quickly realized that I would never see it! Ha. On the waitlist for the actual book, I was number 234! For the audiobook, it was in the 30's. Though the library is free, that's a little longer than I wanted to wait. I researched the KonMari method (the tidying method from the book) and tried to implement what I could, without actually accessing the book. It was REALLY helpful. I organized my living room, changed the furniture layout, got rid of things that weren't really necessary and put all the toys downstairs. I tackled a couple of other small cleaning projects and got my home to be livable again. I was feeling good. After a couple days of that, I was still yearning for more wisdom and motivation hat would really help me seize the day and take control and transform my home. I took advantage of the free month-long trial from audible.com, and downloaded the audiobook. I listened to it while I cleaned and organized, and felt so uplifted, encouraged, and edified. For me, a person who has pretty much accepted that I would probably always live in clutter and mess, or that I would never be a great housekeeper, it was indeed life-changing.
One of the big takeaways from this book is that we should surround ourselves with things that bring us joy. The first step of organizing is to DISCARD. When Discarding things, we should look at them, touch them, contemplate them and really ask ourselves "does this item spark joy?" If it doesn't, you probably don't need it, and you should get rid of it. At the end of this discarding process, you are suddenly surrounded with only the things you need and the things that bring you joy. WHAT an idea! You are only surrounded by things that bring you joy.
As I discarded my way through a couple rooms, I found myself surrounded by less clutter and less things that really didn't actually make me happy. The feeling in my home and in my heart began to change. I still have a LOT to do. But it's been a great start, and I've seen that I CAN do this. I CAN have the clean house I want. I CAN have the peaceful house I want. I CAN have happiness in where I'm at.
The idea of having joy in my home has inspired me to make things more personalized and meaningful. I've planned out some long overdue home improvement projects that have been on my dream list. But I've often felt like it wasn't sensible, or we couldn't find the money, etc.. There's always an excuse to be made. But one day (last week), I decided to just DO IT. (I had Shia LaBeouf yelling at me in my head). I wanted to make my dreams come true, so I was going to JUST DO IT!
I got some birthday money from my parents ($60, thank you!), and that was enough for two gallons of paint and some new rollers and tape. So, last weekend, I painted the room that is often most neglected of household spaces: the master bedroom. I want to make our bedroom a peaceful and intentional space. That's what I'm going to work on over the next little bit. Now that we have paint, I need to work on decor, curtains, bedding, and make my vision of a relaxing master bedroom a reality. In all of our years of marriage, it's never been something I had before. I've always turned my attention to other things. But I now feel the need to make this space complete and whole because it helps me to mentally feel more complete and whole. And I also believe that I can do this tastefully while on a small budget. Brett and I as a team have some made skills when it comes to handmade things and DIY stuff, so we're going to make my modified Pinterest realities come true.
For where I'm at right now, the bottom line is this: At the end of the day, I've succeeded in finding joy and creating joy. I feel like my life has a new center, and it's great. Despite the challenges and pressures I have outside of myself, I can still be centered and joyful on the inside.
Thank you Shia LaBeouf and Marie Kondo for the motivation. Pics of the Master Bedroom are to come. :)
Other near future projects:
Hanging Herb-Garden for Kitchen
Painting kitchen cabinets
Painting kitchen walls
New floor install in kitchen/entryway.
This is the year I'm going to actually do things, and not just say "tomorrow."
