There's Nobody Like Mom

I had the wonderful pleasure of seeing my mom this week. She came to visit us in Utah, and it made me so happy to see her.

This was the first time I've spent time with her in person since her cancer diagnosis. I think it did me, her, and the kids lots of good to see each other. It filled a sad little void in my heart that I've had for a while, and I think it was very healing and motivating for her.

We had visited AZ just last November for Thanksgiving. My parents had decided to sell their home (the house I lived through Jr High, High School, and College in) and I knew it would be the last time I'd get to spend there. It was a nostalgic visit, and I was able to spend time with old family and friends. By the time we headed back home, I felt very content and was excited for my parents and the new adventures that were ahead.

My mom spent a lot of December in and out of the hospital. She was experiencing severe abdominal pains, and no one could figure out why. Eventually, after several different non-invasive methods, they went in for surgery to investigate a blockage. That's when they discovered lots of tumors.

I remember when I got the call from my dad. I knew my mom had been in the hospital and that she had gone in for surgery. We were thinking about her and glad she had good doctors to perform the surgery. I was confident that she'd be well.

"Hi. I'm calling about your mom. Is Brett there too? I have something I want to tell you about your mother and I think you should sit down," he said. Now, my dad can be a jokester sometimes. He likes to have an ambiguous sense of humor that leaves people wondering whether he's serious or not. But I DID NOT find his joke funny this time.

I scoffed. "DAD. Seriously. That's not even funny. How's mom really doing?"

"I'm being very serious" he said. Then he went on to explain more of the situation.

I've never to this point in my life received such information that was so life-shattering to me. It just scared me and broke my heart. I didn't know how to process it. When my dad called, I had been preparing a belated Christmas dinner for some of our Utah family. I remember being in the kitchen listening to my dad as he calming tried to explain things. I just kneeled down on the floor and started to sob. I felt so very helpless...and so very far away from the person I wanted to be closest too. When I got off the phone, I told Brett, and my brother and sister in law who were there. I explained to the kids that Grandma was very sick, and we needed to always pray for her from now on so she could get better. Then I went into my office, shut the door, sat alone for a while, and cried.

We learned a lot over the next several weeks: what stage, what type, what to expect.

The baffling thins is that my mom is one of the healthiest people I know... She's probably in better shape than I am. Well...I think I eat better :) , but she is definitely more physically active than me. She's done amazing things in her life! She's hiked the Grand Canyon TWICE, gone on bike rides that are miles longer than my first grader can count, and she would often enjoy evening powerwalks with my father.

The month following this news was long and slow and full of lots of emotions. I was so jealous of everyone that was able to visit or see her. All her siblings were able to spend time with her. All her children (except me) were able to be with her. Many dear friends were there to serve and help and support her in many different ways. And I was in a different state, over 700 miles away. I felt like there wasn't anything helpful that I was doing, that I was just useless to her at this point. I was just being sad. My parents had requested I didn't come visit. My mom was worried about us traveling in bad winter weather, and she told me that all she really did all day was sleep, and that, at this point, she couldn't hold any of the kids. It was counterproductive to be there. I tried to respect their wishes, and we never went to visit.

Her recovering has been slower than she would like it to be. But again, It was major surgery. She wanted to be up and recovered in less time than it takes women to recover from C-sections. And her surgery was a lot more extensive than a C-section. But she finally hit a point where she felt good enough to get back to a modified version of things she loved (holding grandkids, going on short bike rides and easy hikes), and she seemed so much happier not being restricted to the house all day. She met with the doctors again, and they scheduled chemo (for this upcoming Friday). That's when she decided to visit Utah.



She was here for 2 1/2 days, and the time with her had to be toned down and a lot more quiet than we were used to. She's the type of person that is go go go. She will come in town to visit and magically whip my house into shape in what seems like an hour. The floors will be clean, laundry folded, dishes done, and dinner cooking. I've been spoiled, and have always looked to her visits as a sanity-saver for me. With 4 kids and a work schedule, it's hard to find the balance I need to keep the house orderly (hence my recent conquest to declutter and simplify). This visit was a little different, though, but it was still just as wonderful. She spent her time sitting on the couch with the kids and snuggling them. She read them stories, or played tablet games with them, or watched their favorite movies. This was the first time that she really didn't lift a finger to try and clean my house, and I thought it was great. All her attention was directed towards the kids, or towards having good conversations with me.

My mom will continue to recover from her surgery, and hopefully that will be the worst of it. Maybe we'll get lucky and chemo will treat her body well, with minimal negative side effects. It will still be a long road, and there are a lot of unknowns. This is such a new element for our family. Either way, my mom is the definition of grit, and she can do just about anything she sets her mind to. There's no one else like her. I'm so glad to call her mom.