The first post I made referred to Marie Kondo's book, "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up":
One of the concepts in this book is to consider what brings you joy...
REALLY consider and contemplate this.
Take a moment now and think about it: WHAT BRINGS YOU JOY?
After you've identified that thing (or things) the goal is to surround yourself with the things that bring you TRUE joy.
As I was trying to figure this out, I was initially discouraged. I thought for a long time, and felt like I had gotten stuck in the mom trap. The things that USED to bring me joy in college and before 4 kids are things that don't necessarily bring me joy now. OR, maybe they do...but I don't do them anymore. The time I dedicate to my family, to raising my children, to working, to keeping a home has taken me away from many of the things I used to do for fun. I know that's somewhat part of life. Being a parent takes immense sacrifice, and often times, personal desires or practices have to be put on the back-burner. But the fact that I really don't do the things that, as a young college student, seemed so central to my identity, made me sad.
As I thought about it more, I compared the person I used to be to the person that exists now. Who is happier? Who enjoys life more? It seemed like the old me was happier, more adventurous, spontaneous, fun. She painted and drew and surrounded herself with art. She made plans for world-travel and road trips. She smiled a lot and really LIVED life, took every day as an adventure. What a person. The me now is more serious...sometime way too serious. She's worried about keeping a grocery budget, meal-planning, making sure her kids are healthy and nurtured physically/emotionally/spiritually. She updates the household budget and bills calendar every month. She takes kids to the Emergency room for stitches or strange illnesses (way too ofter in 2015) and works from home full-time. She worries about family/friends/neighbors/herself. She's replaced a bold sense of adventure with worry. She sometimes feels like her life belongs to all the other people around her rather than herself.
It seems to me that the difference between the two people is not necessarily the money or the opportunities, but rather the state of mind. When I closer analyze the college me, I find that it's not necessarily the painting, pottery making, or drawing that was part of my identity and brought me joy. It's rather the concept of CREATIVITY. Being creative and making art brings me joy. Art is a broad term and applies to many things. I can identify things in my life today that are artful and creative. Interior design, floral arrangements, color theory and interior paint, building/crafting things from wood...I actually do lots of artsy things.
Something I've envied and admired and been annoyed about with my husband is that he really hasn't seemed to change that much over the almost 8 years we've been married. I've noticed that if he wants to do something, he does it. He has hobbies and passions and enjoys them. He's generally content with life. Now, it's not ALWAYS sensible to have this attitude, because I do believe that you need to practice restraint when it comes to things. If you don't have money, you can't buy that new thing that you've been daydreaming of. But in Brett's case, he gets creative and generally makes things work. We've been blessed to have a lot of fun things. He has a wood shop with lots of wood and fun tools. He has a welder. He has car stuff from his years as a diesel mechanic. He has guns, hunting supplies and ammunition and targets. There are lots of things for him to go out do when he's feeling in the mood for adventure. My point with him, is that he makes things happen. He doesn't come up with excuses or worry about doing other less important things first. He knows how to make personal time for himself a priority. That has often annoyed me. At times I look at him, and he's so content, and then I look in the mirror and see someone who feels overworked, undervalued, and overwhelmed with "adult responsibility". I have gotten jealous of him and his ability to overlook the messy kitchen or the chaotic garage and rather decide to just have fun. He's just really good at brushing things off. I'm really good at holding on to things and feeling like I'm a mother martyr.
But after taking a time to consider the contrast of Brett's attitude on life vs. my current attitude, I came to an altering realization. Although there are things that DO need to get done, I can have the same attitude as him. I can have fun too. I just often don't let myself because I get to serious and caught up about my to-do list. I've noticed that once I set my mind to something or have something on my itinerary, it is really hard for me to transition and go with the flow if plans need to change. If I put it on paper, it's the law. And that means that I can't have my fun until all those things on my daily checklist are addressed.
I feel like I've been a bit of a pendulum. I used to be very easy going, spontaneous, just do whatever at the beginning of marriage (because that's how I was in college). Over the years with adding kids, job responsibilities, financial needs, etc, I have become much more type A personality. I can't just "go with the flow" on some things. That's been something I have intended to work on. But with my new outlook on this year, and the things I want to practice with finding joy, I feel myself swinging back in the other direction. LIFE IS JUST TOO SHORT TO NOT LIVE EVERY DAY CONTENTLY AND JOYFULLY. A constricted mindset will lead to a constricted life. I feel like I've been on both extremes of the pendulum, so hopefully with some trial and error I'll find a good middle ground that is conducive to everything I both need to be and want to be.
One of the concepts in this book is to consider what brings you joy...
REALLY consider and contemplate this.
Take a moment now and think about it: WHAT BRINGS YOU JOY?
After you've identified that thing (or things) the goal is to surround yourself with the things that bring you TRUE joy.
As I was trying to figure this out, I was initially discouraged. I thought for a long time, and felt like I had gotten stuck in the mom trap. The things that USED to bring me joy in college and before 4 kids are things that don't necessarily bring me joy now. OR, maybe they do...but I don't do them anymore. The time I dedicate to my family, to raising my children, to working, to keeping a home has taken me away from many of the things I used to do for fun. I know that's somewhat part of life. Being a parent takes immense sacrifice, and often times, personal desires or practices have to be put on the back-burner. But the fact that I really don't do the things that, as a young college student, seemed so central to my identity, made me sad.
As I thought about it more, I compared the person I used to be to the person that exists now. Who is happier? Who enjoys life more? It seemed like the old me was happier, more adventurous, spontaneous, fun. She painted and drew and surrounded herself with art. She made plans for world-travel and road trips. She smiled a lot and really LIVED life, took every day as an adventure. What a person. The me now is more serious...sometime way too serious. She's worried about keeping a grocery budget, meal-planning, making sure her kids are healthy and nurtured physically/emotionally/spiritually. She updates the household budget and bills calendar every month. She takes kids to the Emergency room for stitches or strange illnesses (way too ofter in 2015) and works from home full-time. She worries about family/friends/neighbors/herself. She's replaced a bold sense of adventure with worry. She sometimes feels like her life belongs to all the other people around her rather than herself.
It seems to me that the difference between the two people is not necessarily the money or the opportunities, but rather the state of mind. When I closer analyze the college me, I find that it's not necessarily the painting, pottery making, or drawing that was part of my identity and brought me joy. It's rather the concept of CREATIVITY. Being creative and making art brings me joy. Art is a broad term and applies to many things. I can identify things in my life today that are artful and creative. Interior design, floral arrangements, color theory and interior paint, building/crafting things from wood...I actually do lots of artsy things.
Something I've envied and admired and been annoyed about with my husband is that he really hasn't seemed to change that much over the almost 8 years we've been married. I've noticed that if he wants to do something, he does it. He has hobbies and passions and enjoys them. He's generally content with life. Now, it's not ALWAYS sensible to have this attitude, because I do believe that you need to practice restraint when it comes to things. If you don't have money, you can't buy that new thing that you've been daydreaming of. But in Brett's case, he gets creative and generally makes things work. We've been blessed to have a lot of fun things. He has a wood shop with lots of wood and fun tools. He has a welder. He has car stuff from his years as a diesel mechanic. He has guns, hunting supplies and ammunition and targets. There are lots of things for him to go out do when he's feeling in the mood for adventure. My point with him, is that he makes things happen. He doesn't come up with excuses or worry about doing other less important things first. He knows how to make personal time for himself a priority. That has often annoyed me. At times I look at him, and he's so content, and then I look in the mirror and see someone who feels overworked, undervalued, and overwhelmed with "adult responsibility". I have gotten jealous of him and his ability to overlook the messy kitchen or the chaotic garage and rather decide to just have fun. He's just really good at brushing things off. I'm really good at holding on to things and feeling like I'm a mother martyr.
But after taking a time to consider the contrast of Brett's attitude on life vs. my current attitude, I came to an altering realization. Although there are things that DO need to get done, I can have the same attitude as him. I can have fun too. I just often don't let myself because I get to serious and caught up about my to-do list. I've noticed that once I set my mind to something or have something on my itinerary, it is really hard for me to transition and go with the flow if plans need to change. If I put it on paper, it's the law. And that means that I can't have my fun until all those things on my daily checklist are addressed.
I feel like I've been a bit of a pendulum. I used to be very easy going, spontaneous, just do whatever at the beginning of marriage (because that's how I was in college). Over the years with adding kids, job responsibilities, financial needs, etc, I have become much more type A personality. I can't just "go with the flow" on some things. That's been something I have intended to work on. But with my new outlook on this year, and the things I want to practice with finding joy, I feel myself swinging back in the other direction. LIFE IS JUST TOO SHORT TO NOT LIVE EVERY DAY CONTENTLY AND JOYFULLY. A constricted mindset will lead to a constricted life. I feel like I've been on both extremes of the pendulum, so hopefully with some trial and error I'll find a good middle ground that is conducive to everything I both need to be and want to be.
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